Hardship

Yet another day has gone by where I have been forced to suppress my feelings inside. I don't know if this is the way it should be or if I should just let her know, but I don't want to cause any problems. What if I push her away? I couldn't live with my self if such a thing were to happen. I see her five out of seven days of the week. The weekend its short but it helps my passion for her rise. Its as if the days when I don't see her I miss her and by that I re enforce my feelings for her. Hard to explain to you with words but its so easy to understand if you have ever been here in my situation. Ah what a bitter sweet life I lead, the woman with whom I have started to fall in love with, is withing my reach and maybe easily attainable but yet she feels so forbidden. Maybe that's what makes me feel like I do for her, the fact that I know I can't get to her, though I've had her before. Ah what a blessing that was, that was the first time in my life where I could say dreams come true. Fine you can rightfully say that the kind of dream where lust is involved shouldn't really count given that feelings are not usually linked with them, but for me they were. It was a very faint feeling I'll be honest, but when me and her were alone and our bodies intertwined, it felt as if it were always like that. Her body full of splendor, her skin softer than any fabric known to man, her scent sweet and engrossingly attractive complement her beautiful honey colored eyes. Her eyes are so modest and kind, both holding a power that so easily reaches down to my heart, they grab and hold me for as long as I can keep their image in my mind. After, when her eyes become another one of my memories in my brain, I feel the need to see her. Its as if it were a drug for a life time junkie and the moment it goes away I go into withdrawal. Not violent like a normal junkie, but you would find me staring up at the sky looking for a pair of stars that might resemble the splendor in her eyes. So now I continue to sit, thinking about her, so very close and yet never in my arms. The words start to run thin as feeling surpass the simple metaphor of the human tongue.

Loneliness

To stand in this world alone takes courage, courage that not everyone has. The simple task of being alone is a big burden to carry. You will have to submit yourself to solitude and come to terms with the one thing you can't hide from, yourself. The hardest thing to accept is not what other people might say about you, but what you will think of yourself. That is the one thing that will always be true, not the type of self evaluation that you say aloud and share with other, but the things that your heart tells you about you and that your self conscience will only agree upon, those observations are the ones that sting.

Attachment

Life is a funny thing we go through, most of the time we think we know the out come of things happening in our life, if lucky the outcome will be what was expected. Other times however, you think something is going one way and dramatically find that it turns out another way. What I'm referring to in particular is about relationships. Be it friendship or more than that, a relationship is the most random occurrence of life. Like for example I had thought that I wouldn't become attached to a girl I met, I actually thought the opposite. I would say to my self that she would most likely be the one getting too attached to me and that I wouldn't because I had control over my emotions, well it wasn't like that. Now at this moment in time I feel as if I'm more attached to her then she is to me... quiet frankly I think I'm the only one that has developed some sort of attachment at all. During the night or any time I get to my self I start to analyze my situation and come to a possible conclusion, maybe I just need a girl to have as an actual girlfriend. Last time I had one of those was like 2 years ago and that was a long relationship too, lasted for four years one month and some days. I am having fun being single, don't get me wrong, but I think that somewhere in me, there is a part that wants to have a girl. I mean without all the drama and hard times I had towards the end of my last relationship, I enjoyed having someone to go to at the end of the day and talk about random nonsense that most likely no one would care for. Now more often than not I find myself looking for someone to talk to about what I want. Within my group of friends, though we share a lot of things when it comes to interests, there isn't one person I can really talk to.

Standing

Time comes and goes through my life. I start to wonder off into the sky, wonder what is it that goes by in your side. It was all going according to plan, fun here and fun there, nothing serious all is fair. Little by little, day by night, something strange began inside. It wasn't possible, no it cant, but out of the ashes there it stands. I had a feeling you might be here, not I nor me, but you standing still. How wrong was my mind, thinking for my feelings ahead of time. "Ah the irony" I say, be careful what you wished for my dear lad, for the next time you turn your way a new venture will be at hand. Heh, wish I knew that before hand. Now I'm here by my self but yet never alone. always someone to talk to but never anything to talk about. I think I fell, the wrong way I fell. This one gem, with hidden beauty and so much to show, it captivated me, it drew me in. I like it here, I like the way it feels when you are here. I wish you knew, but now I'm here, not you nor we, but me, here standing still.