By My Self, But Not Alone...

It's been quite some time since I last wrote here. I haven't had much to write I guess, or worse, I have swallowed up anything I would've written here long ago. No matter, here I am, about to bare you my inner thoughts. I have noticed that I have become isolated from the world around me, not in the physical sense, no, but in the emotional and somewhat metal sense. You see, I happen to enjoy talking and when I meant talking, I mean lengthy talks about random stuff. Whether it be about how the different temperature of the passing seasons affect the way colors look around you, or about how in my head there are actual places where I can go and revisit. Not all of these places are nice ones to go to, however, my mind has found it necessary to make them a permanent staple in the geology of my mind.  I'm alone on those topics and more. Talking might not seem to be a very important aspect of a person's life, much less if you think that the two points I've just mentioned are of no interest to you, but when you are like me and enjoy the act of thinking and elaborating on a single strand of thought, it matters. What I like to talk about and what interests me, is, what who am I, who I like to be.

Friends and siblings I have, however, none share the interest that I have. I find my self feeling like I'm forcing my words on to them, like if what I am saying is the price to pay for knowing me and getting to spend time with and around me. No one really is listing but rather just hearing words coming out of my mouth, all they do is listen to a few words here and there and then make a comment on that one thing they actually listened to. I'm not one to make people have interest in something that doesn't interest them, let alone force interest on me. But its not their fault, no, I don't blame them. I have a rather complex view of the world, I take too much time thinking stuff over, stuff that most people would just want them to pass by and be done with them. I stare and linger at the simplest of things, I find something to talk about in anything and everything. The problem is, none of it is really a topic of conversation to those that don't see the world the same.

I've tried talking to people with "Me Mode" fully on, however, its not an aspect of me that people are drawn to, I come out as being weird or odd. Maybe I'm wrong, but then, how is it that I get to feel this way. For a certain feeling to be triggered you must be put through a certain kind of situation. If you feel fear, then you are in some uncomfortable place that holds a lot of unknown elements and that causes you to fear the place. If I feel like I do, like no one really wants to listen to what I have to say, is because I have been to that place where no one was listening, at least not to me.

Good Bye

I just noticed that this blog was about a part of me that no longer exists. Its about a time in my life that is no longer relevant to my nor do I share the same feelings with the me that wrote all this. So if you had been reading what I had said, thank you for coming and I hope you liked what I have said. It is time, however, to go off into a new place, a new state of mind and a new goal in life. TTFN, Ta ta for now.

Some time has passed.

I've been sitting her for a while, wondering what to say, how to captivate true beauty into the words I posses. Try as I might, and I've tried long enough, I can't come up with anything that would truly portray that which only she can posses. I used to be good at this, or so I though. Maybe I'm still good at it but its her that has overpowered my abilities and left my soul in a blissful shock. Or maybe, just maybe, it isn't what I see that inspires me so but rather her mystery, the thing that makes her so. If I could I would write in my words but as you can see, I'm not good anymore. Maybe Keats would fare better than I, though I don't think he would come close what it is that I'm trying to say. One day, maybe, my words will flow and my thoughts will become coherent enough to take advantage of my skill and let them all come together. One day, I shall let the world know what it is that I am trying to explain, for so much beauty can't go unnoticed, shouldn't be forgotten.

What Now?

I've been released from the imprisonment of my former job, not willingly or because anything I did, but I'm done now. I can't help but wonder about her, all this time I've enjoyed the pleasure of embracing her presence with my eyes. I would wake up every morning knowing that I would get to see her again, not so anymore.

When tomorrow morning comes around, it won't be the same anymore. No motivation for my soul, nothing that my heart would strife for, nothing for my eyes to yearn. I don't know how or if I will be able to cope with this kind of life. I know I'll miss her, I miss her right now.

Yes, our friendship will still be there and even though she said that we'll be friends forever, my mornings have forever changed. I love her, I trully do. Every coming morning I'll be in pain, not able to have her be part of my day.

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