Sweet Dilemma.

Though I know I probably shouldn't be following this path before me, its a tough decision to make. Weather I stay here or not is really irrelevant when I stop and think about it, for one, I already feel the way I do and even if I decide to pull out now, I will take this feeling with me. She has captivated me, truly and completely captivated me. The mornings start of with her in my thoughts just as my dreams begin with her dancing graciously across my subconscious dreams. At times when I feel the need to know of her during the day, I find that she too was about to get in touch with me. This all helps fuel my feeling for her even more, I know that I probably shouldn't go on with this, but I cant help it, our life have already intertwined. Sweet, sweet dilemma, makes me feel like I have her yet I cant let her know how I feel about her.

And it still goes on...

I can't stand it; this feeling is just revolting inside of me. My arms are aching and I have nothing to cease the pain. I don't want this pain to stop, this pain which is brought forth by the absence of her within the grasp of my arms. How I long for one day to have her in my arms and hold her tight, have our hearts synchronize as one. Majestic unison of the language of two different souls, one voice, one mutual feeling, each other. Having her close to me, her head on my shoulder, her hair closer to my face, her neck showing ever so slightly amidst the strands of her golden hair. I would dare to dive and approach her neck like a predator about to devour it’s pray. But subtle and gentle I would be, with the same precision, and finally be close enough for me to breath her scent. I would reach a state mental and physical of utter awe. The world around us would crumble into star dust and our bodies would feel weightless across an ocean of jealous stars that look upon her beauty and can't help but wish that they too could be as beautiful as her. Ah but what a celestial arrangement her being is, perfect to the most hard to find detail.

Hardship

Yet another day has gone by where I have been forced to suppress my feelings inside. I don't know if this is the way it should be or if I should just let her know, but I don't want to cause any problems. What if I push her away? I couldn't live with my self if such a thing were to happen. I see her five out of seven days of the week. The weekend its short but it helps my passion for her rise. Its as if the days when I don't see her I miss her and by that I re enforce my feelings for her. Hard to explain to you with words but its so easy to understand if you have ever been here in my situation. Ah what a bitter sweet life I lead, the woman with whom I have started to fall in love with, is withing my reach and maybe easily attainable but yet she feels so forbidden. Maybe that's what makes me feel like I do for her, the fact that I know I can't get to her, though I've had her before. Ah what a blessing that was, that was the first time in my life where I could say dreams come true. Fine you can rightfully say that the kind of dream where lust is involved shouldn't really count given that feelings are not usually linked with them, but for me they were. It was a very faint feeling I'll be honest, but when me and her were alone and our bodies intertwined, it felt as if it were always like that. Her body full of splendor, her skin softer than any fabric known to man, her scent sweet and engrossingly attractive complement her beautiful honey colored eyes. Her eyes are so modest and kind, both holding a power that so easily reaches down to my heart, they grab and hold me for as long as I can keep their image in my mind. After, when her eyes become another one of my memories in my brain, I feel the need to see her. Its as if it were a drug for a life time junkie and the moment it goes away I go into withdrawal. Not violent like a normal junkie, but you would find me staring up at the sky looking for a pair of stars that might resemble the splendor in her eyes. So now I continue to sit, thinking about her, so very close and yet never in my arms. The words start to run thin as feeling surpass the simple metaphor of the human tongue.

Loneliness

To stand in this world alone takes courage, courage that not everyone has. The simple task of being alone is a big burden to carry. You will have to submit yourself to solitude and come to terms with the one thing you can't hide from, yourself. The hardest thing to accept is not what other people might say about you, but what you will think of yourself. That is the one thing that will always be true, not the type of self evaluation that you say aloud and share with other, but the things that your heart tells you about you and that your self conscience will only agree upon, those observations are the ones that sting.

Attachment

Life is a funny thing we go through, most of the time we think we know the out come of things happening in our life, if lucky the outcome will be what was expected. Other times however, you think something is going one way and dramatically find that it turns out another way. What I'm referring to in particular is about relationships. Be it friendship or more than that, a relationship is the most random occurrence of life. Like for example I had thought that I wouldn't become attached to a girl I met, I actually thought the opposite. I would say to my self that she would most likely be the one getting too attached to me and that I wouldn't because I had control over my emotions, well it wasn't like that. Now at this moment in time I feel as if I'm more attached to her then she is to me... quiet frankly I think I'm the only one that has developed some sort of attachment at all. During the night or any time I get to my self I start to analyze my situation and come to a possible conclusion, maybe I just need a girl to have as an actual girlfriend. Last time I had one of those was like 2 years ago and that was a long relationship too, lasted for four years one month and some days. I am having fun being single, don't get me wrong, but I think that somewhere in me, there is a part that wants to have a girl. I mean without all the drama and hard times I had towards the end of my last relationship, I enjoyed having someone to go to at the end of the day and talk about random nonsense that most likely no one would care for. Now more often than not I find myself looking for someone to talk to about what I want. Within my group of friends, though we share a lot of things when it comes to interests, there isn't one person I can really talk to.

Standing

Time comes and goes through my life. I start to wonder off into the sky, wonder what is it that goes by in your side. It was all going according to plan, fun here and fun there, nothing serious all is fair. Little by little, day by night, something strange began inside. It wasn't possible, no it cant, but out of the ashes there it stands. I had a feeling you might be here, not I nor me, but you standing still. How wrong was my mind, thinking for my feelings ahead of time. "Ah the irony" I say, be careful what you wished for my dear lad, for the next time you turn your way a new venture will be at hand. Heh, wish I knew that before hand. Now I'm here by my self but yet never alone. always someone to talk to but never anything to talk about. I think I fell, the wrong way I fell. This one gem, with hidden beauty and so much to show, it captivated me, it drew me in. I like it here, I like the way it feels when you are here. I wish you knew, but now I'm here, not you nor we, but me, here standing still.

Reality

Reality can change depending on where you look at it from. Think of reality as an object with many sides, and of an enormous magnitude. Its an object that can't be seen in its entirety from any point, no matter where you stand, you will never be able to see all of it at once. To be able to comprehend what reality could really be, you need to know more, its a case of "the more you know, the more you see," only then you begin to grasp a part of what reality could really be. A simple example is when you look at a rubber ball. As a child you only see it as an object that can roll and bounce around, that is the entire concept you have of what a ball is. As you grow older and start finding out what things make up the ball and why it actually bounces and rolls. You figure out that its made out of rubber and that rubber comes from petroleum and that petroleum is a natural resource. You also find out that the ball is able to bounce because it the energy you put into it as it hits the ground and the releases it by displacing it from the bottom part of the sphere to the one on top, giving it an impulse to jump up. Then you know that the energy that it uses it a combination of kinetic energy and potential energy. And finally you notice that the reason the ball starts to bounce less and less is due to the momentum of the ball slowing down. After all that you have reached a perception of the reality of the ball that it’s pretty complex. It is closer to the true reality of it but not 100% true just yet. After all this facts are know, if you so desire you can go deeper into the composition of the ball and analyze the quantum elements and behavior that the ball posses. The same concept can be applied to interaction with other people. If you're having a conversation with a person and then you come to a point of disagreement, you would fare much better if you took yourself out of context and look at your discussion from the third point of view and try to take notice of what both parties, you and your friend, feel towards the subject. Think of all the reasons why your friend my not agree with you think of what motive he or she might have to think that way and then do the same with you. Once an understanding of what each person feels and thinks has been reached, the reality of the topic at hand becomes clear. Now the topic is visible from two sides and there for your judgment will be more precise and fair to both. If more people start to join the topic of discussion you can start to see what the next party member thinks and knows about and you can then added it to you own understanding of the topic thus materializing a more complete version of the reality than both of your friends that are on topic with you. Its not a must to try and figure out all that there might be to know about any one thing, but if you put some effort into acquiring more information and noticing different perspectives, you will be better equipped to either enter a debate or to see more and appreciate whatever you might come across.

The Dungeon...

Constrained by the lack of knowledge of this dungeon, I blindly search for a way out. The corridors seem to get longer at every turn. The lights emitted by the torches are dim, making it impossible to see ahead. Constantly running towards a black hole. Sweat begins to drip down my body and the air starts to get thick. My legs begin to weigh more and more but I can't stop running, there is something creeping up behind. Consumed by fear I refuse to turn back and see what's there, all I feel is a stare locked on me, making my back feel as though two sticks where pushing against it, yet its not enough to make me look back. On the next right I make I see a sign of hope, a small stream of water running between the cracks of the stones that make up the ancient floor. I'm going up stream, and I think to my self -"there must be a way out at the end of this stream." My legs feel refortified, my mind finds some peace, when people say that water is the essence of life you really don't get it, but now here I am with new found strength and life just at the sight of running water. The stare on my back still stays, though now its bearable. I pick up speed and the stream gets wider, more water is visible on the floor, the source of this water must be getting near! Finally an exit to my nightmare, nothing could bring me more joy at this moment in time. The sound of the falling water is finally loud enough for my ears to hear, a few more feet of running and I feel a cold breeze carried by the waterfall I think its at the end. Yes I see it! its water coming from the ceiling. The end of the corridor I've been running in its finally coming to an end, and there at the end it's a big opening, its a great room shaped like a massive dome. The waterfall has filled the entire area, the piece of the ceiling that fell an allowed the water to fall is floating in the center of the pond. I come to a stop when the dry land ends, what am I supposed to do? I finally have the courage to look back...and there is nothing. Whatever it was I felt following me has stopped. I can't help to wonder what could've been and why did it stop. I didn't dwell too much into it, I look at the body of water in front of me and decided to go for a drink. The water was fresh, ah how relieving this felt after so many hours of running on damp and dark halls I finally get to a place where light is abundant. The hole in the ceiling is making everything shine, light just pouring from the outside world. The water keeps falling and I decide to rest. After a few minutes of resting I swim for the floating piece of ceiling. Half way through its when it hits me, whatever was following me for such a long time wouldn't just all of the sudden stop. There had to be something else to invoke such a reaction from it. I make it to the center and then a rumble is felt at my feet. I look around concerned and slightly afraid. Bubbles start coming from the bottom of this lake and a creeping roar is felt all over the dome. Bubble stop as does the roar and a dead silence takes over. It feels strange...all of the sudden the platform floating in the water starts to vibrate, an enormous splash of water explodes at the surface of the lake and there in the middle of all the chaos a shadowy figure starts to emerge...

Hate and Love

Hate is a powerful feeling; it takes a lot from one person to actually hate some one. It is the same as loving someone; same in the sense of power, on the effectiveness of it... well Hate is always victorious. When you hate someone and act upon your hate, you will always come out victorious. You do something to make someone suffer and it will always pay off. When you create suffering there is only different degrees of suffering. It could be minor suffering but its still suffering or it could be unbearable suffering, it’s all still just that... suffering. When you love some one you are in for a world of disappointment. You try to please and satisfy the person you love, you put all your heart into it and do everything with the best attitude possible and yet you are still looking at very unstable odds. Nothing will ever warranty you that what you do for love will be accepted in the way you want nor will you know if you will get the answer you want. Love is such a weak feeling when it’s put into practice. You are putting yourself on the line of fire when you act in the name of love; the receiving partner on the love encounter has the power to hurt you. One accepts the fact that pain may come on way but never prepares itself for it. Hate on the other hand is always full of accomplishment, like I said before there are only different degrees of suffering and pain, and thus only different degrees of satisfaction.

Cloud 9

NOTE You need to have read the Weed-O-Sphere post before this makes sense to you. Alright so the Weed-o-sphere was born, and with it a world full of happiness :) After a few days i think since the creation of the Weed-o-sphere, me and Saulo gathered together again. This time we went higher. Saulo started off by floating away, he couldn't control it. After looking at him struggling to stay down I decided to go and help em. I jumped on to where he was and tried to hold him down, and keep him on land, it was no use for we were on our way up. We started to ascend at a steady speed, the wind felt very comfortable as we soared into the vastness of the sky. We went so high that we had exit the earth itself and we were now in space. After some talk Saulo realized and amazing thing, the Earth's moon was in fact the Earth's very own "ass". After that realization we started to inspect all the other planets and realized yet another thing, Jupiter is a fat whore. Jupiter with its sixteen moons meant that it needed sixteen assholes to poop out all its shit. This also made it a whore because it took sixteen uh....instruments of pleasure to please Jupiter. With this revelation I found out the truth to the meaning of Saturn's rings. Saturn hooked up with Jupiter and had a massive amount of babies. These babies that were created by the interstellar relation that Saturn and Jupiter had, formed what we now see as the Rings of Saturn. Every ring is one of the being born from that cosmic event. Mean while as all of this was going on the Weed-o-sphere was doing something else. The Weed-o-sphere back at our Earth was having its own fun. Amy Lee from Evanescence went up to the Weed-o-sphere and (please don't ask "how" let your mind decided what is logic to you) hooked up with it. Now the Weed-o-sphere and Amy lee were getting it on. Both of them having sex with each other. The time this intercourse is not too clear since it was more of a cosmic event than something we human would be able to understand. After they were done, Amy Lee gave birth to Cloud Nine. Cloud Nine became the out most high point to ever be reached by a person. Amy Lee then went to make a song in honor of her offspring and titled it Cloud Nine. Me and Saulo landed on this Cloud Nine after the Jupiter/Saturn incident. Ah what a great place that is. In Cloud Nine you feel so great that you never want to leave, you just want to be there and enjoy what you feel, everything becomes real. While me and Saulo were there, we both indulged in what was going on, bliss. Then out of nowhere, I spotted these red bubbles, they were great in numbers, coming closer and closer to us. The bubbles started to bounce on my face, a bunch of them all at once. As they were bouncing, they would also start to pop right on my face, it felt great. The feeling was of a cool breeze on every spot where a bubble would pop. I asked Saulo if he saw them, and as expected, he did. It was great, a stampede of red bubbles full of pleasure bouncing all over the place. The bubbles stopped and me and Saulo were still up there in the cloud. We started to look around and saw that Chieky was all the way down. We tried calling him but we were so high that Chieky couldn't hear us at all. This created a problem, we heared a song we liked coming from the TV Chieky was watching and we told him to put it up, but just as before, Chieky couldn't hear us. I decided to take one for the team and went down to talk to Chieky. I made sure i had the means to come back up, so i tied my self to the cloud and slowly allowed my self to descend to where Chieky was. While i was going down i could see Saulo trying to reach for me, he thought i wouldn't come back. Once i reached Chieky i told him "put that up man we cant hear it up there!" Chieky looked at me and smiled. The music volume was up and with that my time to depart to the cloud had come. I made the climb all the way to the top, it was a relieve to be back up there with Saulo. We enjoyed ourself for a long time looking up at the space and just floating around, it was great. "Yo Saulo, we should call somebody to come here." I told Saulo while I was reaching for my cellphone. He agreed, and so i called Natasha. Natasha was a little too happy (drunk =P) and when she picked up the phone, who would've thought Cellphones work from outer space lol, and i told her "Come here to Cloud Nine with me and Saulo," the called ended. Natasha showed up in Cloud Nine only a few seconds later. Me and Saulo were in awe! Natasha had made it up to the cloud in a record time. We couldn't come up with an explanation so we decided to ask her how she had accomplished such a feat. "How did you make it up here so fast!?" me and Saulo awaited the answer anxiously, "Felipe called me." We started to laugh with Saulo, "we know why you are here, but how did you make it up here so fast?" "because Felipe called me and told me to come." It was a very humorous moment, laughing was all too easy, Saulo when he managed to catch his breath said "Natasha how did you physically make it up here so fast?" I don't think Natasha answered, if she did I certainly don't remember lol. After that me and Saulo just let our selves relax and enjoy Cloud Nine. Saulo after a while called Gus to come up with us. When Gus got there we talked for a while and laughed, it was a good time. Then it was time for him to leave, thats when Gus did something in expectable. Gus must've thought that jumping off was a good idea to get off the cloud, so he approached the edge of the cloud and jumped. It was so surreal to me and Saulo that we were laughing yet I felt scared. After we had calmed down we lost track of time and space, people say we made it back to Earth slowly and then we just went to sleep. It was an awesome adventure...

Pearl

Dark in the middle of the night i sat. Nothing was visible, as hard as I tried I could never seem to find the light. I was wishing for the end of the tunnel for quiet a while, then I allowed it to settle into my veins. The Darkness had made itself anew within my self, I was happy in total disillusion. I learned to make the most out of what the sweet darkness could provide me with. After a few eons had past, something happened, the darkness was willingly disturbed. She had arrived, her majestic looks were embraced by my eyes, my heart felt sudden warmth. It was a blessing maybe or it was a false sense of joy. Whatever it might have been it created a new me, a new beginning to my already going story, a beginning that I will take and develop. A shinning pearl deep in the night, even without a source of light managed to light up the way, bringing me closer to her. I could smell her sent and all I did was dream...

The Weed-o-sphere

So we were in this island one day. The weather was great, clear blue sky and the breeze was cool. We had just washed ashore. I turned to my left and there i saw my two friends Rita and Saulo, both looked like i did...just washed ashore.

We met up with each other and talked, out of no where Chieky, my other friend, shows up and we all wonder how he got here, and then how did WE get here. So a round of questions started, Saulo and Rita both got to the island together. Both were previously in the Titanic, while the sinking was going on Saulo said that he was used as a counter weight to try to balance the ship. That didn't work and obviously as we all know, the Titanic sunk. Rita saw Saulo in the water and used him as a raft to reach safety. Both knocked out during the night and woke up at the Island. My reason on how i got to the island....i never really did find out. All i remember is being wet for a long time and then BAM!! i was on the island. so yeah everyone had pretty simple and straight forward stories except Chieky. He started telling us some stuff about an airplane and that something happen to it he thought of something and what not and then he fell from the sky and landed on the Island.

Anyways, what happens now its what make a difference since its an event that created the Weed-o-sphere. We were all hanging out for a while and we decided to explore the island. we were still at the shore so we made our way to the innards of the island. i was in the front and noticed the big deal. The whole island was full of weed plants!!!! ALL the trees were giant Weed plants one after the other the whole entire place was a huge Weed Garden. I told my friends about it and they all started laughing, it was great, i mean all the weed and just four of us. But then when we were embracing the sight, some how i created a forest fire. Now the whole island was burning up and filling the air with smoke.



We watch the event as we got high from the fire. After not too long when all the weed was gone, our planet earth had something new, a Weed-o-sphere. Its a new layer of the Earth's atmosphere all made out of weed. Its right before the astronauts reach space. So when a rocket takes off and the astronauts are all nervous about the flight, they go through the Weed-o-sphere, get high and have an awesome mission (imagine high in space with no gravity...INSANE). At the time this new layer of sphere was created, the whole planet experienced a global high, i like to call it "The Big Pot"...well i dont really call it that but its a name lol.

That was our experience that one day, and thanks to the Weed-o-sphere great things happen later on, but thats another story for another blog.

Crystal

This was a piece i wrote last November. it was for a friend... A dream, a desire, a picture painted to perfection in a fragile crystal. Its purpose is to accentuate its beauty. Nothing seems to break the picture but yet you grow nervous as you get closer to it. The light shinning through makes it ever so much more beautiful than you ever thought. Cautiously you walk towards it in hope of you being able to touch it, Once, at least once you would want to feel it in your hands and let that feeling take over your senses. You get there you reach out, you are almost there, and once you think you are going to feel it and your heart explodes with happiness and overwhelming joy... The crystal broke, only its pieces remain, ah what a bitter sweet sensation. Finally you get to feel it, but now its broken and you have nothing that could fix it. But wait, there is more, there is still you.. You the one who saw her in that state of beauty, who knows you could soon find another majestic one and a beauty she will be. Hold your self together, the best is yet to come...

Needless Sleep

I am the kind of person that doesn't like to sleep much at all. Sleep to me is a wast of time, I am aware of what happens while you sleep. The whole energy replenishment its fine, i just wish there was another way to get your energy back. Right now its 2:38am and i will be up by 7am but i refuse to go to sleep yet. I mean there is so much i could do right now. If I fall asleep time passes by rapidly, nothing gets really accomplished, aside from the bodily function. Reading is something I really enjoy and at night time seems to be a very proper time to do so. I don't have to deal with any noise or distraction since all is in perpetual silence.